[You can be who you want to be.
Yes, I said it.
This realization began with a conversation with someone who dropped such a precious gem of wisdom, I knew you would never forget it?
Fast forward to a couple years later and, yup, it’s still very true and relevant, and I actually never did forget it.
When I sought help from a mentor, Tunisia Mitchell, for a job application, I felt really uncomfortable in explaining who I was and what I had to offer to the company. She looked at me and said:
“You know you are whoever you say you are, right?”
“Yeah, I know, I know,” I mumbled.
Inner voice: Not really, but hey it did feel right – I just never thought about it that way.
Those words always cropped up whenever I doubted myself; whenever I lost sight of the person I am; and whenever I questioned the value that I had to offer to people’s lives.
The beauty in embracing that you can be who you want to be
Self-awareness is CRUCIAL. This claim doesn’t come from arrogance, illusions about our self, or ignorance.
It’s not about insisting on an idea of who you should be, even though it’s blatant that that’s NOT who you are. We’re not trying to be someone we’re not, here.
Oh, and I’m also not here to pump that ish that self-help communities pump nowadays.
My stance is that we live in a world of endless possibilities. For example, if I want to be a speaker, author, self-employed, etc., then dammit I can be that. Taking this a step further, I can affirm it by saying: I already AM those things. My actions would, of course, need to back it up, but it begins with the thought. It begins with the mentality and belief that you can be who you want to be.
There’s beauty in this because it gives us a significant amount of power. Power to live life on our own terms, to move through it with purpose, and take life by the horns.
I’ll repeat: BACKING IT UP WITH ACTIONS, OF COURSE.
Dispelling Myths: You are not to find yourself
I want to dispel a myth real quick, permission granted? Cool. 🙂
Y’all know this “finding yourself” ish that’s often sold in the spiritual and/or self-help communities nowadays? It’s bullshit.
I completely understand the notion of being “lost” in life, because I’ve been there before. Trust me, I’ve read all the books and articles. Stuck-ness and confusion have been an ally with me along my journey, and it can absolutely contribute to the feeling of being “lost.”
BUT (major but), it’s a lie. How can you really be “lost” in life, when it disregards the very premise that you are exactly where you need to be in each and every single moment.
You are exactly where you need to be in each and every single moment.
I’ve learned that being “lost” and having to “find yourself” are accompanied by a poor sense of self. Did you forget that you are more than your confusion? Well, let me remind you: your real Self can never be “lost.”
Strengthen your sense of self by realizing that you are whoever you say you are. You can be who you want to be. You are here to CREATE yourself, not find yourself. Move through life with confidence, boldness, and integrity by realizing that you may be experiencing feeling stuck or confused but that’s not who you are, there’s a difference.
Warning: I’m about to get cliche here. Socrates said it best. “Know thyself.”
Hey, he’s a famous Greek Philosopher for a reason, right?
“Know thyself” is about exploring the deeper aspects of yourself that transcend time, money, status, or ego. It has nothing to do with how much money is in your bank, the color of your skin, or your sexual preference.
It also has nothing to do with waking up cranky, rationalizing a shitty behavior because you’re “not a morning person.”
Embrace a new way of viewing what it means to “know thyself,” by understanding that you have the power to decide and create exactly who you want to be, moment by moment. Baby steps.
How you can be who you want to be
This is an exercise on self-discovery, self-awareness, and self-love.
The first step is to get clear about the types of characteristics you want to have and sit with it, energetically. By energetically I mean, literally feel yourself already being in the state of “if I had these characteristics, this is who I would be, this is how I would behave, this is what I would think, etc.”
Y’all know what my favorite time is? Journal time. 😉
Close your eyes and envision the best version of yourself. This is the person you would prefer to be because it’s more in alignment with who you really are. What does that look like?
- How is he/she feeling about themselves?
- How does he/she relate to others?
- What habits does he/she have?
- What is he/she known for?
Using your journal, probe into this and ask yourself any other insightful questions that you’d like to explore. Have an intimate relationship with this person.
Ask yourself, what has been getting in the way of you becoming this person? Spend time with this person and consider what they have to say about this.
Learn to see the blessings in all your moments
I am equipped, at this moment, to see things in a way that will empower me on the next step of my evolution.
All of life’s experiences bring us an opportunity to practice being the version of ourselves that we prefer to be. Is there any greater joy than this?
Do you want more understanding? More patience? More of anything? Then practice learning how to view all of your moments as opportunities to express these qualities.
I chose to be of the belief that the entire universe is conspiring FOR me, not against me (notice I said “chose,” what do you choose?). I know that I’m equipped, at this moment, to see things in a way that’ll empower me on my next step in my evolution.
Never allow yourself to believe that the universe, or anyone for that matter, is conspiring against you. Truly, if someone is, that’s a personal problem for them.
From here on out, let’s drop the need to treat ourselves as a victim to circumstances or other people. Instead, we are opportunists and we allow all of our experiences, whether they are positive or negative, to serve our highest good and that of those around us.
Final tip: the key for you to be who you want to be
Now you’re ready to create a new “you.”
A better “you.”
A “you” that’s more in alignment with WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
There’s one key element to walk away with. You will experience many bumps on the road, you will express ugly aspects of yourself (don’t we all?), and you will make many, many mistakes. You will probably also behave out of your emotional triggers and pain.
Which is why: forgiving yourself is KEY.
Were you a bitch yesterday? Please don’t hold onto the narrative that “I’m a bitch.” It probably feels good for some people’s egos, but is it real? Is it authentic? No. You may have behaved like a bitch, but you’re not one, again – there’s a difference.
By forgiving yourself, you let go of the standards that you held yourself to yesterday. You also let go of the standards that other people hold you to, in fact, you become unbothered by them. You also realize that you are not obligated to be the same person you were yesterday, and you can understand that it’s not being “fake,” it’s a part of growth.
Here’s a secret: for the grudge holders out there, you’ll have a much easier time forgiving yourself when you can easily forgive others.