“Your thoughts are powerful,” they say.
“Change your thoughts, change your life,” they say.
“Think positively,” they say.
Well, I have news for you.
Changing your thoughts without changing their cause is like cutting weeds out your garden without pulling those bitches out from their root.
Correction: Your [emotionally charged] thoughts are powerful
Turns out, they weren’t all the way wrong. Your thoughts are powerful. But, here’s the other side to that equation: EMOTIONS.
Thoughts are only powerful to the extent that they are emotionally charged.
EMOTIONS = E – MOTION = ENERGY IN MOTION
Did you read that right? Our emotions give our thoughts all the power that they have.
Emotional mastery puts YOU in a prominent position to be the one in control.
And I bet you wouldn’t want to sulk in an undesired emotional state, right?
Because holding onto undesired emotions are a burden in it of itself, but making decisions based on them? That’s where the real damage gets done.
How do we move from being controlled by these emotional states to taking control of them… hence taking control of our lives?
Step 1: OBSERVE + IDENTIFY YOUR FEELINGS
(and can you remove the word “negative” from your vocabulary, while you’re at it?)
Be friends with your feelings. All of them. The good, the bad, the ugly and beautiful.
They’re ALL valid.
Once you can accept this, then you can remove the barriers that hold you back from actually identifying them.
Because since when the fuck was feeling bad supposed to be a “negative” thing?
Since when was grieving, anger, and disappointment, supposed to be a “negative” thing?
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s actually okay to feel.
What’s NOT okay is to suppress how you feel because it’s “negative.”
What then begins to happen is that you’re left with a whole bunch of unresolved “negative” emotions… that you won’t even know how to identify.
Which one do you think is worse?
What’s more? While you think you’re being all positive and uppity…rebuking everything and everyone who displays any “negative” and “toxic” behavior, you’re really coming from a toxic place, yourself.
If you can give yourself the space to feel how you really feel and maintain your integrity in that space, then bless your brave soul, ‘cause you have just literally made space for someone else to heal.
Let’s just all kumbaya and heal each other, okay?
Give yourself permission to feel so that you can identify those feelings. You’ll be okay. I promise.
Step 2: RECLAIM + OWN YOUR POWER
You give up your power when you,
- Pridefully put up a front as though you don’t really feel hurt,
- Give up and refuse to communicate, verbally and through your body language, how you actually feel,
- Don’t invest in yourself enough to understand your own feelings, and then wonder why you’re misunderstood.
Take back your power by,
1. Verbalizing your feelings
Verbalizing your feelings can help you get your mind right about them.
You know all those thoughts going on in your mind? For additional clarity, say them out loud. Hearing yourself speak about them may help you see them from a new perspective.
2. Removing “fuck them” from the narratives in your mind, and instead put yourself in their shoes
Your journey is about you. I don’t care who seemed to fuck you over. I don’t care what they did. I don’t care what they said.
As soon as you start to justify replaying undesired movies in your mind about how “they” did you dirty, you lost.
Whether you agree with them or not, chose to put yourself in that person’s shoes.
Release all expectations that anyone owes you anything. Instead, give them permission to do what they want. Give them permission to feel how they feel.
3. Focus on the solution rather than the problem
Then ask yourself, how do you actually want to feel about this situation? How do you want to perceive it? Verbalize that.
What can you do right now that aligns with this new perspective?
Now, you’re not behaving based on the perceived hurt or disappointment you felt. You’ve just taken back your power.
So, be you. Be vulnerable. Say how you really feel… from the core of your most authentic, raw, and whole self.
Allowing yourself to express your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, as they come up is a certified sign of self-mastery.
With respect, of course.
Then you can walk away with no regrets, knowing that you spoke your truth, the whole truth, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.
And that’s something no one could EVER take away from you.